Music

I think every song was written for me.

I can't tell you the number of times my kids have heard "oh this is my new favorite song" We have music we use to clean to..usually has some Kesha, some Usher, some Jay Sean, some Stars..you get the idea :)

Then there is music that I call my mantra songs. I usually have a different one each day. To become the mantra, they must be listened to 72 times in a day. It is the message I use for the day to motivate me, encourage me, or my what I am feeling at that time. I say it changes daily, but there are songs that stay for weeks sometimes..The song right now is Your Hands by JJ Heller.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YiULD_Ng8o

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

my little actors :)

Missoula was so much fun. I love seeing my girls on stage. They have so much talent. Seeing Mia come out on stage and dance did nothing but put a smile on every persons face. There were a lot of dust bunnies, but Mia was one of two that had a speaking part and individual lines. The director told me in all his years of this, he has never had one of his "peewees" forget their part and say "LINE". He said he and the other director looked and each other with awe.

Paige..is well Paige. Amazing. I was told by a few people "what a presence she has on stage" and "what a voice she has" and she does. I saw more laughter, more joy, and more peace from her when she was at practice and performing that I have in a long time. It was fun.

Tonight, as I reflect on the day, many things cross my mind. I keep typing and deleting. I am famous for it. I do it on Facebook. I do it when I text. I do it in emails.

Does this mean I am censoring myself to make it appear like I have only nice things to say? maybe.

Does this mean that I would like to think everything is peachy and don't want to say otherwise? maybe.

Does this mean that I have ADD and 8 million thoughts are racing all at once and I can't process them all through - and couldn't even begin to write them all down because I would have to stop the process? FOR SURE.

Here are the thoughts of the moment.

-Why had my dog been whining all day? I have heard her whine more today than I have ever heard her whine in her 3 yrs of life.

-Why is my house never all the way clean? Where do all the things come from? I am a packrat..well, a Hunter and Gatherer sounds better.

-I wonder how Carter will do at his tournament this weekend, and why did he chose Venezuela for his social studies project. I am sick of Venezuela.

-If Mia really does sleep in her room for two weeks in a row, I will have to get her a guinea pig and I really don't want to.

-Why does Kain go through shoes at twice the rate Carter does? Why does he think it is funny to use poop in sentences?

-I am itchy

-What if I took Skippy Jon Jones to the vet (which I need to because we haven't since we adopted him) and found out he was a SHE?

-Paige. She is on my mind all the time lately. Does this mean I haven't been making time for anything else? Are my other kids suffering? Are we going to come out of this on the other side? When will that be? What can I do to help? How can I fix this?

My overall answer to most of my questions. I don't know, and No you can't fix it.

So where does this leave me? Doing what I am doing right now. Typing and Deleting. Questioning and Wondering.

I hear Mia's footsteps. Guinea Pig question postponed a little longer. :)

I am blogging to..

1. not clean my house
2. not make supper
3. get my mind on something else.

Here is what I would like. One day. One day with no school truama. One day with no new issues. One day with no dirty looks, comments, issues from this same group of girls. One day where Paige would see how stupid they are. One day where Paige would look at herself and see she is the one who is okay and will come out on the other end okay. I am tired. Tired of the fight. Tired of the drama. Plain old tired.

Ok. Got that off my chest. Whew. What a weekend. Missoula was awesome. The kids had a good weekend - fun with friends. I didn't do much, except we did do some cleaning yesterday. It was long overdue, and I have so much more to do.

We went and looked at a house last night in Byron. Byron..I know, but we thought it may just be the answer to some prayers. We got more info tonight - Not enough square footage and not the right price. We will keep looking, or be content here (which I am) This house has a lot of work to be done, but it feels like home. So much of our childhood and now our kids are wrapped up into this house. It feels right to me.

If I would somehow become an organzied person it would be the answer to all my problems..hahaha. If only.

Friday

Today was a day off from school. Hooray. Kain went snowboarding with Dylon. He had a blast. They rode the magic carpet up and boarded down over and over. Carter went to Heny's then to the games. The girls had play practice (tomorrow is the big day) After Mia's practice, we worked on some Valentines for the grandparents..we need to finish those tomorrow :) We then got Paige, and got ready for JV basketball. We met Cindi there and watched a game. Left the boys there,and the girls came home. Rough for Paige, but we got through it.

Dana, Franko and I went to the movie Valentines day. I loved it. It made me think about Valentines day. I realized I have worked on so many other projects, that I don't have everything ready for my kids. I guess that is what tomorrow is for. :) After haircuts and 2 performances, of course. Part of the movie took place in a flower shop,and it reminded me of fun times in Dana's flower shop. When you walked in the back door, you would be overwhelmed with the smell of flowers. There would be containers of them everywhere. It was delightful. There was always the bustle of hundreds of orders and of course the "last minute men" begging for arrangements. We always told stories about what we thought they were doing, where they were going, and who they were for. It was a happy time, although you left there never wanting to smell a flower again.

I look at flowers now and honestly think "waste of money" but then, I was captivated by flowers. Now I think more practical. It is funny how time changes you.

things I want to say..but won't

There are many things I wish I would have said today. You know..those conversations you replay over and over in your head. I am tired. Tired of fighting the school for basic needs of my child. Today I was treated poorly -spoken to with condescending words. As I think about it tonight. I hope I never make others feel that way. I know most times to get what you want you have to get ugly..it just isn't my nature. (which is why I ate $200 on a bad color for Paige) I just sit and stew about what I would do if I could..instead of getting red faced and shaking, I would say the things I have thought of tonight..or would I? The truth of the matter is...it just isn't me.

Missoula Childrens Theater

Another Year, another nervous Monday. Paige, who has been in the Missoula Childrens Theater since Kindergarten (except in 3rd grade when Paige didn't make it)and Mia, auditioned (for her second year) yesterday. Paige is so talented in this department. She makes it look easy to sing and perform in front of a large group. She may be nervous on the inside, but it never shows outwardly. Of course, she got one of the bigger parts again this year. She is the Snow Queen. Mia was more nervous, but when on stage she did awesome. Spoke loudly and clearly and is a dust bunny. I am so excited to see them perform. Last year Paige was extended an offer to go to a performing camp put on by the company, we will definitely be sending her.

Tonight at practice, the director kept saying "everyone needs to be louder..except Paige" or "see Paige's expressions/gestures..do that" or "why can't you do it like Paige" she said it was hilarious. She did say he also made fun of her for the way she got up (still nursing that hurt tailbone from snowboarding) so he would say "don't fall or you will break your butt like Paige"

Seeing the girls go through the process of auditions, rehearsals, dress rehearsals, and performance in a short week is such an amazing experience. I look forward to seeing the end result on Saturday. :)

Funny things

Just a few funny comments from the kids in the last weeks I don't want to forget.


-Paige:"Mom, how do you get your eyeliner to look like that?" Kain:"Black Magic Marker"

-Carter: "Mom, do you have a lighter?" Me: "Why do you need a lighter?" Carter:"pause....I cant hear you. "

-Paige:"Mom, your hair looks great today." Brandi: "yes, nice effort"

-Mia asked me last week-"Mom was I there when Kobe was born? I said, "yes you were, but you were too small to remember". She said, "It doesn't matter, I was there and his birthday is our friend anniversary"

Book Club

10 years of books. 1o years of meeting once a month. 10 years of laughter. 10 years of secret pals. 10 years of support. It is amazing the way our lives have changed in that time...but certain things remain the same-Our friendship, our love of books, and fun.

I cant list all the moments, or even close to all the laughable moments, but I will mention a few that I won't forget.

-The first annual book club Olympics
-Coughing up Diet Coke all over Jillys bed
-The MoonCrest Lodge
-Orange Slushie
-Murder Mystery Night
-Pinkie Blankets
-Cherie telling us she swore she had "special powers"
-Heidi jump roping in Roberts
-Musical Chairs
-Mashequa
-"holding the pose"
-Trying to scare Darci and Jilly
-reading book jackets and adding blah blah blah
-Scrapbooking
-Lying to Dana for a full year..that was hard..whew (secret pal)

I am a lucky girl :)

This is how we roll ;)

I REALLY don't know what it is about the Baxter children and the dreaded Christmas Photo. I usually make them dress up in semi matching outfits and try to get this perfect picture of the kids where all four of them look well...perfect.
This year call it insanity, call it laziness, call it reality check..we did our pictures in sweatshirts, and winter hats. Some inside, some outside and made the coolest collage photo.

This is just two of the pictures, there were others..This was probably my favorite picture of the card :) We ended up with a super fun picture that kinda summed up the wackiness my kids.

Saturday :)

We had a rare Saturday. No tournament..Carter had some basketball, but only because he manages 7th grade girls (can anyone say ulterior motives?..it rhymes with smirls) I ran errands, worked on my dining room table-I am refinishing it, made yummy soup and got ready for a super fun craft night. We made to most adorable Valentines packages. It was fun to have a night out with friends.

I sometimes forget how lucky I am. I get caught up in the day to day, and forget the blessings of small town living. It is easy. Friends are the same people you have known forever. Your "nights out" consist of sitting at the good old Heart Mountain Clubhouse with a super cool group of ladies.

I left with a bag full of awesome crafts and a heart full of contentment :)

resolution..smesolution

Ok..so I guess I am incapable of posting more than once a month. I have thought of it 900 times- things I needed to say, wanted to say, pictures, events..blah blah blah. The past month has been a tough one. It is probably better I didn't post during this time. The whole thing would have been a big giant complaint. Complaints about why parents can't see that their children mirror their behavior, complaints about bullying, complaints about administration, complaints..no one wants to read that much negativity. In fact, I emailed Megan and told her my February resolution was to stop posting on Facebook about all the drama ~ Happy thoughts only. The truth of the matter is, I cant change the situation. I can change how we as a family handle it.

I have countless emails unanswered, 50 phone calls to return, and a million projects to finish. I guess I have decided to put my big girl panties on, and get back into the swing of things instead of being completely occupied by this WHOLE situation.

Right now, this is on my fridge

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. ♥ So love the people who treat you right. ♥ Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.